Last week, I didn’t send out a newsletter.
I had it ready to go, but it didn’t feel right when I heard the news about Charlie Kirk.
The topic of online security seemed trivial alongside the news of his death… a school shooting… a metro stabbing… and the anniversary of the September 11 attacks.
In fact, it still does.
So today, I want to talk about purpose.
How do we live life full-out, leaving nothing in reserve?
How do we serve others and leave a legacy?
Purpose finds you while you are living
Charlie was a powerful example of living with conviction, rooted in faith and mission.
Yet, it’s unusual to wake up one day, “find” one’s purpose, and then live it full throttle.
Most of us are busy living in the trenches: building careers, paying bills, navigating teenagers sneaking out, helping aging parents, and trying to hold it all together.
We don’t pause long enough to map out a grand mission statement.
So I got curious about how Charlie found his sense of purpose and built momentum at such a young age.
When you strip away the politics and look at the patterns, three things stand out:
- Passion: a driving force that provided the fuel to keep moving forward.
- Mentorship: connections with others who provided guidance and direction.
- Unconventional learning: skipping the standard path and learning by doing.
Let’s take a look at how we can use these same elements to guide our own journeys toward purpose.
Consider where you get energy
For much of my daughter’s childhood, I was a single mom.
I worked for tech startups during that time, and I often heard comments like, “Working a half-day, huh?” as I sprinted to the elevator to pick her up by 6 from after-school care.
My weekends and evenings were devoted to her, even if I had to crack open my laptop again after she went to bed.
She was my singular focus during those years. I knew that out of everything I could do in life, there were no do-overs on being the best mom I could be.
I was young and got some things wrong, but I was passionate about being a good parent. Even when it was hard, my passion for being present in her life gave me the energy I needed to keep going.
Our purpose often lies in what gives us energy. We don’t always get lightning-bolt moments of clarity.
Find connection and mentorship
Growing up in a small East Texas town, mentors and teachers drilled into us the importance of working hard. This advice was usually in the context of working for other people: getting to work early, staying late, becoming indispensable. And I took it to heart.
But the ideal of working hard for someone else’s dream fades quickly when you realize your dedication doesn’t matter much when reducing headcount is the only way to keep a startup afloat.
Looking back, I realize what was missing. I needed a mentor who could provide the right guidance. I needed someone who could see a bigger picture for my life than I could see for myself.
Later, when I built my own businesses, I signed up for trainings and workshops where I often felt like the least experienced person in the room. But I connected with others and made sure I learned something from every mistake.
Mentorship doesn’t mean that you need to find the hottest guru in your industry.
It could mean joining a mastermind or finding one person who is a few steps ahead of you.
The point is to find people who believe in your potential and will nudge you forward.
Become a lifelong learner
Purpose is about discovering what drives you and designing your life around it. You could consider it your North Star.
For me, that overarching theme is freedom…
Time freedom. Location freedom. Financial freedom.
I figured out what was important to me by trying lots of things and pivoting when it wasn’t working.
Sometimes getting where you want to go means taking an unconventional path.
I often tell the story about how my husband, Lewis, and I were drowning in the busyness of life. We were running multiple small businesses, working from before dawn until well after dinner time.
To say we were burnt out is an understatement.
One day, a friend told us, “If you want an adventure, go get one.”
I’m sure he thought we took his advice to an extreme when we sold our home and most of what we owned, sold our business assets, and bought a sailboat.
This is not the conventional path for people in their prime earning years. We hadn’t owned a sailboat before, and it was a huge learning curve.
We were naive in many ways about what this change would mean, but we let go of work we didn’t love anymore. We downsized our footprint and simplified our life. We gave ourselves freedom to explore the world in a new way.
Give yourself permission to do things and learn in your own way, even when it’s unconventional.
Try new things, explore new territory, and learn outside the classroom.
What if you feel stuck?
Obsessing over “finding” your purpose can backfire. It can paralyze you.
You don’t have to start a nonprofit or launch a crusade to make your life meaningful.
You just have to start moving forward with these three elements in mind…
Fuel yourself with passion: Figure out what gives you energy. If you don’t know, keep a journal for the next 30 days. What excites you and keeps you focused? What are you doing when you lose track of time?
Find your guides: Seek out people who believe in you and will nudge you forward. This often happens through offering value first, not asking for mentorship.
Become a lifelong learner: We all need to upskill in this AI era, but question the default path. Do you really need another degree or more credentials? Or could you join a mastermind and learn by doing?
Clarity comes through action. You don’t think your way into purpose. You live your way into it.
Live life with purpose and on purpose
When we capitalize "purpose" and make it something grand and permanent, it becomes elusive and hard to capture.
What if we find a purpose that is for right now, in this season of our life?
What if we give ourselves the grace of changing our path later?
We don’t have to get it “right” forever. We just need to give our whole hearts to what matters most in this moment.
Serve well.
Love deeply.
Stay rooted in faith.
Show up for the people who count on us.
We don’t build our legacy in one big moment.
We build it in the thousand small choices we make every day.
Until next time,
Tanya